RBF
Don’t Call My Face Bitchy, It’s Empowered
I have resting bitch face. My lips are downturned, stuck in an almost-frown, and my eyebrows are blonde, so they aren’t noticeably expressive. These features are amplified by my confidence; I walk with my head held high. I take determined steps. As a random security guard once remarked, “I look like I know what I want. I look like people shouldn’t mess with me.”
In New York, this isn’t a problem. Most people mind their own business. Shockingly, I haven’t yet been told that I need to smile more. That said, I’m probably still perceived as cold (at least at first). I wonder, how many first impressions have I soured with my RBF? Should I force a smile more?
Back in high school, several friends told me that our classmates found me intimidating. I’m 5-foot-two, a bit of a nerd, and an introvert. Needless to say, I was pretty surprised to learn that I exude … something. Self-assuredness? The pixie cut doesn’t help, of course — I have no hair to hide behind.
My qualm with the term “resting bitch face” is that it puts a negative spin on something amazing. My face is powerful. My neutral expression is one of confidence. Thanks to my pouty lips, I don’t need to furrow my brow to appear deep in thought. My eyes are calm and cool. They are blue, they do not twinkle. They are unreflecting pools; not entirely uninviting, like a deep lake one is both afraid of and excited to dive into.
It took years for me to find confidence in my RBF. The root of this issue is the fact that women are expected to be friendly and positive at all times. I have a warm smile, a grin that is pleasant enough to soothe people’s obvious initial discomfort towards me. However, my relaxed expression is unkind, unwelcoming, unfeminine. On a man’s face, my “RBF” would be seen as assertive and confident. I wouldn’t be bossy, I’d be the boss, and all of that jazz.
All of this is to say that women with less-than-kind faces shouldn’t be labelled as bitches, because that is offensive and rooted in patriarchal standards of femininity.
If you have sharply angled brows, frown lines, or any other markers of RBF, I encourage you to celebrate your face. You’re not bitchy, you’re empowered.
